The Big Reveal

Yesterday was a milestone- I left the house, not to go to the doctor but a luncheon for work. It was my first time out of the house other than the doctors for anything and ....wait for it..... I was in a DRESS! Kind of a big deal, since I have nothing but elastic (or a bra) for the past 4 weeks. I really wanted to wear pants, but I have one last bulb in the lower area, so it was very uncomfortable when I tried them on. That in and of itself was a production.

I have been so excited to see what size I might be now and if any of my clothes fit (secretly hoping the answer was "no" so I could buy a new wardrobe). Well, it was 50/50. I dug deep, back into my closet where my clothes go to "retire". You know, we all have that section of clothes that we hang on to "just in case I lose a few pounds". I pulled out a few blouses and honestly, I was a bit disappointed. Other than the fact that they now fit more correctly in the chest area, they pretty much fit the same. After I thought about, it makes sense. I don't know why I was expecting my ribs and their "cushion" to magically shrink after the surgery. I have always been broader across the top, so everything basically fit the same.

I was pleasantly surprised when pants that I haven't worn in probably 6 or 7 years fit (and looked GOOD) !! Only problem was that darn JP drain. It hurt like a mother because the pants kept pushing it back "inside" and my body was like "Um. No. I don't want that back in here". I can't wait to try them on again next week, without pain involved. Bottom line, I dropped probably 3-4 pants sizes !!!! I looked at myself in the mirror and was amazed by my profile. I haven't looked that "slim" since before I had kids !! Bye-Bye "Mom-gut" !

However, it was a reminder that I need to work on my upper body. I am not sure how, but I need to do that. I think that I need to start easy, do some walking and eventually get into a more active routine. My goal is to get back into running. I used to "run" (ok, jog) back in the day and would love to get back into the habit. I always had some excuse why I couldn't exercise or make time, but now that the kids are almost at the age where they can stay home alone for 30 minutes or so I am kind of excited to get out on my own and have some "thinking time". So, I am putting it out there. Since I have been given this chance to 1. Save my life and protect me from future bad stuff and 2. Give me my figure back, I need to grab it and not get all chubby again. I have only lost a few pounds from the surgery since the surgeon basically played "Musical Fat" and just rearranged my tissue. The way that I am eating has also changed.

I am not a "big" eater. I am more of a snacker. Since the surgery, I am slowly getting my appetite back. However, the skin and my stomach are very tight feeling and when I am feeling full, I literally feel like I am going to burst. Everything feels really "jam packed" into my abdominal area. I am sure that the tightness will ease with time, but for now, It is borderline painful to eat or sneeze !

OK, focus Kelly. Lunch. Christmas Party. Work friends. I was really hoping to wear pants because they had the most dramatic effect, but I just couldn't do it. It was really uncomfortable. So, I chose a  flowy dress that I hadn't worn in about 2 years. I had never worn it to work, so it would look new to them :) I could tell the difference in the fit immediately and could see it in the mirror. Even my husband who is such a "man" commented and said I looked "great and beautiful" without being prompted ;) I have to admit, I was hoping for more of a reaction from my co-workers about how I looked. They all came over, sub-consciously looked at my boobs, gave me a hug, told me that I looked great, and asked how I was feeling. I guess I was hoping for "Oh my goodness, you look amazing" or " Look how thin you are !", but I have to just keep in mind that I really only showed off my top half and not the real difference-maker, so maybe when I wear pants, it will be more obvious. Next challenge- Family Christmas party. By that time, I will have my last drain out and I am wearing pants no matter what !!!!!

So, what do Angelina Jolie and I have in common ?

Well, aside from long, dark hair, a couple of kids, our moms both had cancer, we both have BRCA+ diagnoses.We are a bit different in the fact that she has a BRCA1+ and I am a BRCA2+.

I have to admit. I have never been a big fan of Ang. The whole Billy Bob, blood in a vial.... She just always seemed weird to me. When the whole "Brad/Jen" split happened, I was totally on Jen's side and made me like her even less (Like anyone cares). Didn't like her. Didn't like her movies. Thought she was fake. Adopting kids from all corners of the earth- I thought she was just trying to change the public opinion of herself. Then the article came out that changed my mind. Angelina Jolie's op ed- Please read

I read the article and I felt sad for her. She had lost her mom and grandma at very early ages. I am proud of her for being tested so that she could be there for her kids. No matter if they are her's biologically or adopted, no one deserves to grow up with out a mom. My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012. When she called me, I cried. I'm 34, but I didn't want my Mom to die ! Thank God, she caught it very early and is clear today, a year and a half later. She also gave us a gift- The ability to be tested for the BRCA mutation. Of the 5 girls in our family tested, 3 of us were positive.

When I was going back and forth about the surgery, THAT was the reason that made my decision. How silly if I decided not to have surgery and then eventually get cancer. Why would I take the risk of leaving my kids without a mom when there was something that I could do to prevent it ? Now, near the end of the surgical process, I can't believe that I even hesitated.

So, although I may not have millions in my bank account like Angie, we both do have our kid's best interest at heart. <3