Pretty Is What Changes ~ Jessica Queller

This is not really a book review. More of a recommendation. Anyone who has tested positive, knows someone who has tested positive or is interested in this subject should read this book. The subject was handled so perfectly.
Jessica expressed all of the feelings that I have been struggling with and have a hard time explaining to others. Jessica's story is similar to mine (other than the fact that she has led a much more interesting life than I have ;) It was so nice to know that someone else had the same questions about surgery that I did- "What ? There is no way that I am going to chop my boobs off!", "Am I crazy to even consider this ?", "How will I feel after the surgery ?", "Will I still be attractive to my husband ? He says he will love me no matter what, but it will never be the same.", "What will other people think when they find out ? Everyone will think that I am nuts !". The truth is, it doesn't matter what other people think. Jessica showed that even though she was scared and unsure, she shared her decision with millions of people, despite what they might say. By doing so, she brought attention to a relatively unheard of subject.
I wish that I could personally thank Jessica for being so open and brave and sharing her story and her deepest thoughts and fears with us. It is so nice to know that I am not alone and reassuring that I AM making the right decision. I also appreciate the fact that she did not sugarcoat how difficult these decisions or surgeries are. She also celebrates the fact that we are fortunate to have this information BEFORE it is too late and we CAN do something about it ! We don't have to wait for cancer. WE are in control !!!
Please read this book ! You will be glad that you did !!

Pretty is What Changes

Plastic Surgeons Are Not All Created Equally

My sister had both of her surgeries done at the same time and raved about her plastic surgeon. Since I look to my sisters for advice and recommendations, I naturally thought that I was going to love this guy too and he would be the best for me too. So I made an appointment for the following week. I really wanted to get an idea of when the surgery was going to be and what implants were like :)I was actually looking forward to getting an idea of what the "new" me was going to be like.
When my husband and I arrived, I was kind of confused I guess. There was a zen/oriental vibe going on. Music in the background, herbs in the water fountain. It was definitely an upscale place and I felt a bit out of my comfort zone. My husband and I kept trading glances across the giant overstuffed couches we were sitting on. If there weren't other people waiting with us, I might have said "WTH is going on with this place ?".

I was called back and the doctor came in right away. He basically asked me why I was there. I explained my family history, he had worked on my sister, yada, yada, yada. He then again asked why I was going to do this when there were other options. What ? I felt very uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. This is a MAJOR decision that I made and was finally feeling good about and he was questioning it ? I almost started to cry (Ok. I did. A little. Did I mention that I am super emotional ?). He gave me a cute paper vesty thing to put on and left the room. My husband said, don't worry, if I don't like him, we can go see someone else. No, I was just taking this the wrong way. He is a top doctor and he must know what he is talking about. I'll get through this and it'll be fine.
He did the exam and said that he would do the surgery, but he would do both the removal of the breast tissue and the reconstruction at the same time. I really liked the surgeon that I had previously met with, so that bummed me a bit, but it made sense that he would want to do the whole surgery in order to keep the breast looking better in the end. Right ? He also mentioned that the best results were if we were to do a mastectomy and not do reconstruction right away. Leave me flat for about 6 months and use bras fillers. Another thing I was not ready for. Both my Mom and sister had gone straight to implants from their surgery. I don't want to be deformed for 6 months ! I know that the long-term results may look better, but that is a long time to go from being normal to breast-less to finally getting boobs again.

He said to think about it and get back with him. So my husband and I left talked a bit about it and decided that he is the leading plastic surgeon, so he must be the best. Besides, the other doctor that my surgeon recommended was trained by this guy and was my age. Surely he can't be as good. I thought that I would give my sister a call and get her take on him. She confirmed the vibe that I got from him. He was a very cold, no-nonsense kind of guy, but the best. He's not going to be your best friend and pat you on the back for deciding to do this surgery. She said that since she decided right away to go through with the surgeries, she needed someone like this to push her through it so that she didn't hesitate or change her mind. She said that he worked for her, but maybe he wouldn't be the best choice for me. She told me that I would have to go back and see the surgeon for many more appointments, so it was really important that I go to someone that I trusted and felt comfortable with.
While I know that this guy was "the best of the best", he made me feel like I was wasting his time. This is a major deal. This is my life ! I am not a waste of time and should not be treated like that. I deserve to have someone who makes me feel good about my decision and wants to work with me. I have made a few calls, but my insurance is pretty limited at this time. I am going to switch carriers after the new year and go to see the surgeon that my Mom and other sister are using. If I don't like him, I will see someone else. The moral of the story is you do not have to settle ! There is no law that says that you have to stay with the first doctor you see. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. That's why they call it a second opinion.

My oophorectomy

The surgeon that I met with suggested that I do the surgeries at separate times in order for the recovery to go a little more easily. I had one sister who combined surgeries and one who did separate surgeries, so I was not dead set either way. My gynecologist is moving out of state at the end of the month, so it was important for me that she do the surgery, since she had help me to make up my mind about what to do. The surgery went well. Compared to my 3 C-Sections, it was a piece of cake ! The first day, I slept for almost the whole day, while my husband was a superstar and took care of the kids. The second day was better. I still took my Tylenol 3's every 4 hours, but I was able to go up and down stairs and move around relatively well. Day 3 my husband and I took the kids downtown trick or treating and I walked for a good 2 hours with out pain or too much discomfort (No pills). I'm on Day 4 and I am just slightly sore. I did have a few twinges earlier, so I took the last of my meds and sat down for a bit.
My biggest problem is the bloating. It is hard to wear your regular pants becuase of the bloating. They rub up against the incisions (especially the belly button)which make it a little uncomfortable. I just wore a pair of my "fat jeans" and pulled them down below my belly. Really attractive ;)
Another issue is the bleeding. I am on Day 4 and still bleeding pretty heavily. Not a big deal, but come on ! I was really looking forward to no more periods ! I got rid of all of my tampons and pads and so I had to buy some more. Oh well. Just a few more days and it will be over.
As far as the hormones go, I haven't noticed any difference at all. My husband may beg to differ. LOL I did lose it when my 2 year old dumped out a whole bin of Polly Pocket miniatures that I JUST spent a half an hour cleaning up. Wouldn't you cry too ? :)He tried to say hormones, but I said nope. Just frustration. I have been taking Prempro since the day of surgery and things are going fine so far. One of my sisters is taking regular old Birth Control pills, so I guess it just depends on what works best for you.

My story

Well, I should begin this as my Mom's story...... Last March, my Mom went for her yearly physical. Everything checked out fine. She then went for her annual mammogram screening. A day later, the doctor asked her to come back because there was something on the x-ray. Probably just a shadow, but they just wanted to be sure. It wasn't. My Mom had a small lump that was not detected by her doctor during a breast exam. Cancer. It was really unbelievable for me. How could my Mom get cancer ? Was she going to get sick ? Die ? I am 34, but this is my MOM ! She can't die ! I cried, spent some time praying and then decided that the most important thing that I could do is be there for my Mom.
I went with my Mom to her first appointment to meet the team of doctors that would take care of her for the next few months. Surgeons, oncologists, radiologists.... It was a lot to take in. My Mom took it like a champ ! She decided to face this thing head on. Including genetic testing. She made an appointment soon after for genetic counseling and was tested. Her result was BRCA2+.

My sisters, brother and I all made a group appointment with the genetic counselor to go over the BRCA testing as well. Some of us were tested that day. Unfortunately, my insurance carrier was being difficult and I had to return and have the testing done again.

Then the results came back.... My oldest sister was negative. Good news ! Another sister got her results in an appointment right after. Positive. Another sister's result- Positive. My two positive sisters decided right away to go through with prophylactic surgeries. That just seemed CRAZY to me ! Since I had to have my test re-done, I had a little time to think about things. A positive result would not mean the end of the world. I would just be extra careful about monitoring and be sure to get all of the MRI's and mammograms that I could. I am a pretty optimistic person. I figured I would probably be negative anyway, so there was no point worrying about it.

My appointment with the genetic counselor came. The result was positive. OK. I was a bit overwhelmed for a minute, but no big deal. This was not going to change my life, right ? I'll just get the extra mammograms and go to the doctor more. I met with an oncologist next, but I was pretty distracted and confused. She said that I could just remove my ovaries and that would help prevent ovarian cancer. I could do that. I am done having kids, so no big deal. I'll just do that. Well, that was not really what she said, just what I heard. I decided to give my self a month, do some research and meet with my gynecologist and see what she thought. I wanted to be sure to make a decision on my own, not to be influenced by my sisters. They were going to cut off their breasts for crying out loud ! Who does that ?!?!?!?

Even going into my appointment, I was pretty sure I was just going to take out the ovaries and be on my merry way. Well, it's not that easy. My doc explained that leaving the breasts after the oophorectomy was not a good idea. By removing the ovaries, you are starting an immediate menopause, which is no fun. By adding hormones to replace those lost from the ovaries, you are at an increased risk of breast cancer. Add that to my already increased risk = Not good. Pretty much the best chance of beating this thing was to do both the oophorectomy and the mastectomy. But I'm only 34 ! I love my boobs ! I can't cut them off. They are a part of me.

Over-whelming. I think that this was the first day that I realized that this was serious. It was not something that I could take a pill for or change. It was not going to go away on it's own. This was life-changing.

So, I made appointments that I never thought that I would have to make at my age. Surgeons, plastic surgeons. Did I mention that I hate going to the doctor ? Really. The only time that I had gone in the last 20 years was to the OB/GYN when I was pregnant with my kids. I am very modest and embarrassed to show my "motherly" figure to anyone. After these appointments, I had been naked and groped by more people in a month than I had been in my entire life !

I just recently had my oophorectomy, but I'll tell you all about that in another post. :)